Around this time of year I am flooded with memories of my childhood. Christmas was my favorite time of year. We celebrated in a huge way every year. We were all together and there were more presents than I could count. I loved it!! After I got married I thought ALL Christmas's will be that way, especially after we had kids. I wanted Christmas to continue being my favorite time of year and that changed drastically.
I think back to our first Christmas as a married couple. We got married in January and pregnant in March, meaning we were going to have a Christmas baby. Caleb was born and Christmas was a week away and we were BROKE!! Like really broke. David knew how much Christmas meant to me so he went to Walmart and bought the biggest tree for our teeny tiny apartment and the last of what was left of the ornaments (so you can imagine what those looked like haha) and brought it home to put up. As I laid on the couch holding this brand new baby and dealing with postpartum (so I was a barrel of fun... haha), he put up this tree smack dab in the middle of the living room because it wouldn't fit anywhere else. I remember how defeated he looked because he couldn't give me what he knew I wanted. I am reminded of other Christmas's still not having the means to really do a whole lot and I refused to let that keep us down and bought, and bought and bought even if it meant that bills would not get paid. I remember being disappointed because the boys "ONLY" had 10 to 15 presents a piece. I also remember after opening those 10 to 15 presents they found the 2 they actually wanted and left everything else behind. I am reminded that weeks later I would still find presents in the packages that had gone untouched. This continued for many years. I felt they HAD to have what I had. I needed them to not go "without." I completely lost site of the whole purpose and meaning and became so consumed with stuff.
I started to realize the cycle I was in. I tried so hard every year to break it and buy less and less but I was filled with anxiety because I just knew they would resent us for not giving them the BEST. I wanted our boys to join in the awesome conversations about telling their friends what amazing parents they had because they got tons of toys. I needed them to have the biggest and best of everything.
We are now on a new journey within our family that we will have no choice but to dial it down. Just another part of tearing away. There is a part of me that is struggling with knowing there won't be a multitude of gifts for them to open but deep down inside I actually feel a huge weight lifted. I am making the choice to change my mindset and we are beginning as a family to do the same. We have had so many conversations about giving back to others who won't have. We have talked about the meaning a whole lot more than we ever have before. This year we are taking a stand and changing the course. Our boys will have something they need, something they want and something they can read. To see the excitement on their face when I was describing that to them was something I will never forget. They are completely excited to get a little but to give much.
I am realizing what this world we live in has done to our mindsets. We spend months and weeks preparing and saving for this holiday. We stand in crazy lines waiting to buy the next best thing. We decorate to the maximum capacity our houses can hold. I am faced with the question of... Why? In the grand scheme of things what does that all matter? Why do we willingly stress ourselves out to make it perfect? Now I am not knocking any of the big to do. I know it's just part of it. But I do challenge you do ask yourself why. What is the reason as to why you and your family go ALL OUT. Is it because it's just what you do... then great. Or is there this feeling inside that you feel you HAVE to because if you don't you have failed. One of the many things I have learned is excess and anything in excess can be a sin. I felt I needed to fill that tree up every single year or else I would be faced with massive stress and anxiety... that was in excess. Some of us feel as though our houses must be the BEST decorated on the block... that can be in excess. I saw a friend of mine hang a picture of a tree in their living room that they colored and are calling that their Christmas tree and it humbled my heart and there could not be a more perfect tree to me. So it brings me to the question of why and whats the real reason behind the things I do during this time of year and is it in excess. Now some of you may do this and not feel anything wrong with it and I think that's just fine. But I do think it's something we should ask Holy Spirit... " What's the reason behind what I'm doing, and is it in excess?" I think you might be surprised at what He might show you.
So this year we will dial it way down and I will be just fine with that. For the first time ever I am able to LOVE this season instead of dreading it. We will begin to teach and show our boys how to really celebrate this season. I am realizing more and more how we need to be aware of our actions, habits, traditions and lifestyle because they are watching and learning whatever we show them. I want them to know the real meaning behind life and why we do what we do and believe what we believe. I want them to know that there are things we can do in excess and it's important to learn why and change it. I want us to celebrate this season together as a family whether we have one present or ten presents, a huge tree or a picture of one and be content with just BEING.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....
Thank you to my friend for letting me share their perfect tree :)
I think back to our first Christmas as a married couple. We got married in January and pregnant in March, meaning we were going to have a Christmas baby. Caleb was born and Christmas was a week away and we were BROKE!! Like really broke. David knew how much Christmas meant to me so he went to Walmart and bought the biggest tree for our teeny tiny apartment and the last of what was left of the ornaments (so you can imagine what those looked like haha) and brought it home to put up. As I laid on the couch holding this brand new baby and dealing with postpartum (so I was a barrel of fun... haha), he put up this tree smack dab in the middle of the living room because it wouldn't fit anywhere else. I remember how defeated he looked because he couldn't give me what he knew I wanted. I am reminded of other Christmas's still not having the means to really do a whole lot and I refused to let that keep us down and bought, and bought and bought even if it meant that bills would not get paid. I remember being disappointed because the boys "ONLY" had 10 to 15 presents a piece. I also remember after opening those 10 to 15 presents they found the 2 they actually wanted and left everything else behind. I am reminded that weeks later I would still find presents in the packages that had gone untouched. This continued for many years. I felt they HAD to have what I had. I needed them to not go "without." I completely lost site of the whole purpose and meaning and became so consumed with stuff.
I started to realize the cycle I was in. I tried so hard every year to break it and buy less and less but I was filled with anxiety because I just knew they would resent us for not giving them the BEST. I wanted our boys to join in the awesome conversations about telling their friends what amazing parents they had because they got tons of toys. I needed them to have the biggest and best of everything.
We are now on a new journey within our family that we will have no choice but to dial it down. Just another part of tearing away. There is a part of me that is struggling with knowing there won't be a multitude of gifts for them to open but deep down inside I actually feel a huge weight lifted. I am making the choice to change my mindset and we are beginning as a family to do the same. We have had so many conversations about giving back to others who won't have. We have talked about the meaning a whole lot more than we ever have before. This year we are taking a stand and changing the course. Our boys will have something they need, something they want and something they can read. To see the excitement on their face when I was describing that to them was something I will never forget. They are completely excited to get a little but to give much.
I am realizing what this world we live in has done to our mindsets. We spend months and weeks preparing and saving for this holiday. We stand in crazy lines waiting to buy the next best thing. We decorate to the maximum capacity our houses can hold. I am faced with the question of... Why? In the grand scheme of things what does that all matter? Why do we willingly stress ourselves out to make it perfect? Now I am not knocking any of the big to do. I know it's just part of it. But I do challenge you do ask yourself why. What is the reason as to why you and your family go ALL OUT. Is it because it's just what you do... then great. Or is there this feeling inside that you feel you HAVE to because if you don't you have failed. One of the many things I have learned is excess and anything in excess can be a sin. I felt I needed to fill that tree up every single year or else I would be faced with massive stress and anxiety... that was in excess. Some of us feel as though our houses must be the BEST decorated on the block... that can be in excess. I saw a friend of mine hang a picture of a tree in their living room that they colored and are calling that their Christmas tree and it humbled my heart and there could not be a more perfect tree to me. So it brings me to the question of why and whats the real reason behind the things I do during this time of year and is it in excess. Now some of you may do this and not feel anything wrong with it and I think that's just fine. But I do think it's something we should ask Holy Spirit... " What's the reason behind what I'm doing, and is it in excess?" I think you might be surprised at what He might show you.
So this year we will dial it way down and I will be just fine with that. For the first time ever I am able to LOVE this season instead of dreading it. We will begin to teach and show our boys how to really celebrate this season. I am realizing more and more how we need to be aware of our actions, habits, traditions and lifestyle because they are watching and learning whatever we show them. I want them to know the real meaning behind life and why we do what we do and believe what we believe. I want them to know that there are things we can do in excess and it's important to learn why and change it. I want us to celebrate this season together as a family whether we have one present or ten presents, a huge tree or a picture of one and be content with just BEING.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....
Thank you to my friend for letting me share their perfect tree :)
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