I had a vision. I saw a nicely set table. It was beautiful. It had place settings, food and a crisp white linen table cloth. Everything was set and ready to be enjoyed. All that was missing were the attendants. I walk into the room and the appearance and smell was delightful. As I walked towards the table to find my seat, in the blink of an eye, what was once so beautiful was flipped upside down. The food and dishes were everywhere and broken. This is how I felt like my life looked. I felt that everything was so perfectly set and ready for the dinner bell to ring. Little did I know His plans were much different.
It reminds me of when we first started this journey of saying "Yes," I would call it our beautiful mess. But then the table was beginning to be set and things were beginning to look as though "dinner" was almost ready. In one quick swoosh everything was all over the place and I got angry. I was mad at the Lord, I was mad at my husband and I was angry with myself. I was left to feel broken and numb.
I was faced with a crossroads and a decision to react or respond. I have said so many times on this journey, "Where you lead us we will follow." The question is did I really mean it? We all say, "Yes Lord." We all say, "I want to walk in His ways, no matter what." But when that nicely set table gets flipped upside down that WE worked so hard to put together and plans change, how will you respond? Will you stick by saying, "Yes Lord," or will you have a complete melt down?
Unfortunately, I chose the latter. I was so mad. I didn't understand how He could take what I saw as "stability" away from me. It was so close I could taste it. We were about to have our own place. We had jobs, our boys loved school and had friends. It was becoming the new norm. We said yes once, was that not enough? We were obedient in leaving everything behind, do we really have to do it again? He reminded me that when we first started this journey He didn't call us to be comfortable. He called us to GO! He called us to RESCUE! He called us to minister and share the story. Sometimes the places you have to go are not on your mapped out journey. Sometimes there is a curve ball thrown and you have a choice to make.
There are times in our life He is going to call us one place and shortly after call us to another. Our one job is to trust Him and follow. When Jesus called out to His disciples from their place of comfort, He simply said, "Come follow me." Their response was not, "Well, I don't like that idea can we have another option please," or, "No way I love it here in my cozy comfort zone... I'll pass." They laid down there belongings, their control, left their jobs, their families, everything and went. Now was it easy, surely not. They were human. I'm sure they struggled just as I did. I'm sure at times they had mixed emotions. But, they trusted and accepted the call.
So I'm in here in this moment and MY plans have been interrupted and I have a choice to make. I can choose to dig my feet in and simply say no, or I can choose to trust the God that never fails me and never abandon me and simply... Go. A little over a month in and I wish I could say I'm in the best place. But the Father says, "Thou shalt not lie." So I'm in a state of processing and surrendering day by day, sometimes minute by minute to Him. My heart knows He's got this now as I'm working on my mind being in alignment. He is walking me through not having it all together at the moment and being good with that. That's life. Where we are weak then He can be made strong. So once again this beautiful mess continues, because I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.
Lord,
Please forgive me for not trusting you. Forgive me for being angry with you. Forgive me for questioning your motives and your plans. I release control to you. I release pride to you. I release distrust to you. I ask you fill me to the top and overflowing with your peace and your joy. I pray I choose to experience the beauty in every detail. I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing praises to you Lord, for you have been good to me! Amen!
It reminds me of when we first started this journey of saying "Yes," I would call it our beautiful mess. But then the table was beginning to be set and things were beginning to look as though "dinner" was almost ready. In one quick swoosh everything was all over the place and I got angry. I was mad at the Lord, I was mad at my husband and I was angry with myself. I was left to feel broken and numb.
I was faced with a crossroads and a decision to react or respond. I have said so many times on this journey, "Where you lead us we will follow." The question is did I really mean it? We all say, "Yes Lord." We all say, "I want to walk in His ways, no matter what." But when that nicely set table gets flipped upside down that WE worked so hard to put together and plans change, how will you respond? Will you stick by saying, "Yes Lord," or will you have a complete melt down?
Unfortunately, I chose the latter. I was so mad. I didn't understand how He could take what I saw as "stability" away from me. It was so close I could taste it. We were about to have our own place. We had jobs, our boys loved school and had friends. It was becoming the new norm. We said yes once, was that not enough? We were obedient in leaving everything behind, do we really have to do it again? He reminded me that when we first started this journey He didn't call us to be comfortable. He called us to GO! He called us to RESCUE! He called us to minister and share the story. Sometimes the places you have to go are not on your mapped out journey. Sometimes there is a curve ball thrown and you have a choice to make.
There are times in our life He is going to call us one place and shortly after call us to another. Our one job is to trust Him and follow. When Jesus called out to His disciples from their place of comfort, He simply said, "Come follow me." Their response was not, "Well, I don't like that idea can we have another option please," or, "No way I love it here in my cozy comfort zone... I'll pass." They laid down there belongings, their control, left their jobs, their families, everything and went. Now was it easy, surely not. They were human. I'm sure they struggled just as I did. I'm sure at times they had mixed emotions. But, they trusted and accepted the call.
So I'm in here in this moment and MY plans have been interrupted and I have a choice to make. I can choose to dig my feet in and simply say no, or I can choose to trust the God that never fails me and never abandon me and simply... Go. A little over a month in and I wish I could say I'm in the best place. But the Father says, "Thou shalt not lie." So I'm in a state of processing and surrendering day by day, sometimes minute by minute to Him. My heart knows He's got this now as I'm working on my mind being in alignment. He is walking me through not having it all together at the moment and being good with that. That's life. Where we are weak then He can be made strong. So once again this beautiful mess continues, because I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.
Lord,
Please forgive me for not trusting you. Forgive me for being angry with you. Forgive me for questioning your motives and your plans. I release control to you. I release pride to you. I release distrust to you. I ask you fill me to the top and overflowing with your peace and your joy. I pray I choose to experience the beauty in every detail. I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation, I will sing praises to you Lord, for you have been good to me! Amen!
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