Philippians 3:12-16 (Msg)
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward -to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focus on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something else less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision -you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.
I want to live by this verse. It seems so easy and so invigorating. I read it and I think YES! That's exactly what I want to do! Run the race, staying on track... Or the word He gave me "Stay the course." Not as simple as it may sound....
Before coming here we thought we had experienced a lot in our almost 12 years of marriage. We knew we have had struggles, yes. We have had difficulties, absolutely. But nothing we have experienced can really compare to this. We had thought "How rewarding, how exciting, how adventurous!! Let's sell everything we own and follow Him. Nothing can stop us now!!" Then reality set in.
Have you ever played with a baby, maybe tickling them or tossing them up and down in the air? Have they ever done the "cry/laugh" action. Where you can't really tell do they like this or are they terrified? That's the feeling I think we feel now. We have the moments where we are so full of laughter and joy and then in an instant it turns to tears and tantrums. I had this exact experience a while back.
I woke up that day over it. Typing this now it takes me back to that emotion. David was gone to work, I was home again, everyone was doing what they normally do and I was left here... broken. I was feeling completely undone. I felt as if nothing more could possibly be any worse. Here we are, we have walked away from everything we have ever known. We left a house, sold all of our possessions, we even left behind one of our sweet boys. We left jobs that we loved, family, friends... everything, to come out into the unknown. We had no details, one small U'haul full of very few belongings and a location. Once we arrived all we knew to do was unpack and hunker down. We didn't know for how long, we didn't know why and still don't. All we knew was He said "GO!" Who would have thought a two letter word would rearrange our whole life.
I was waiting for David to come home and say, "I've had a terrible day, I can't do this anymore, lets pack up and go back." Usually when we have those conversations the other is strong and keeps us grounded where we are. That day I wished the opposite. I wanted him to come home and be fed up and say the words "Lets go!!" I would of responded with, "Where's the U'haul?" I had reached the point of anger. I was mad. I was angry with the Lord. I told Him I was tired of not seeing the visible fruits of our labor. I told Him I was angry because I felt like He brought us to the middle of no where and said, "Now survive." Every job we thought would be a great opportunity the Lord said, "No." We came with a stock pile and it was dwindling fast. We have no house of our own, still have one car and here we are doing what...?
The Lord obviously knows me so very well...haha. He let me go on and on and on ranting and raving about what I thought we needed to discuss. I needed something tangible to hang on to and He was not giving it to me. Oh, sometimes I can be a brat!! After my half of the day rant, He began to speak. He asked me, "Since when do my fruits have to be tangible to be considered a blessing?" "Is life not a mere blessing in itself?" He said, "Did I not clothe the lilies, and feed the birds?" "Will I then not take care of you too?" He went on to show me our eyes are at all times to be fixed on Him. Our feet are to never get in front of His. He told us from the beginning, this journey was not about us and here I was making it just that... ALL about me.
I was sitting on the front steps when David finally got home. I had tears rolling down my face, knowing the words I wanted him to speak were not going to happen. I know we are here for a purpose but waiting in the middle of the promise being spoken, and it being fulfilled is a tough place. He sat beside me and listened. He watched the brokenness unravel outwardly. Then he spoke. Just like I said when one is weak the other is strong and in that moment he was strong for me. So I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back on track. I took my eyes off of me and put them back on Him.
Regardless of the unknown, we are learning so much about Him. We are learning to lean not on our own understanding. We are learning His ways have ALWAYS been greater than our own. We have learned He is completely in LOVE with us. We have learned faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. We have learned, "No means No." We have learned he desires time with us. We have learned HE will provide. No matter what reality says. No matter what our bank account says. No matter what!! We are learning His promises are true. We are standing on His word which is Yes and Amen. We are constantly being reminded don't look ahead. Pay attention to right now and not to miss a single detail.
That day I was given the word, "Stay the course." So, no matter how hard or frustrating it might be, we are pressing onward. We never regret making the move. He never said it would be easy and perfect. So we not only continue for ourselves but for others too. It's not about us. It's all about Him. It's about reminding each of you to " Stay the course," even if it doesn't make sense, He's got you. He loves you so much!! There are so many things He wants to show you and there just might be someone waiting to here your story. So today, we choose to continue even if we don't have all the details. We choose to press on, to carry on and to be persistent.... because at the end of the day...you are worth it to us!!
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